Palisades Rathouse: Unchallenged by Health Officials, Elderly Twins Fed Local Vermin Population

Warning: Do not read if you want to eat anything within the next few hours, if you are going to sleep soon, or if you are in any way phobic of rats.

Still, it makes for good gaming...

Another old essay I wrote more than two years ago (and it shows in some places):


"Space exploration isn't as fashionable as it used to be, and it shows. NASA has no vision, no guts, and no money. The Russian space program has more guts, but even less money. The ESA is mostly busy with putting more observation satellites into orbit, whose data should (at least in theory) tell even the most stubborn American that yes, the global climate is changing. The only bright spot are the Chinese, who have an ambitious space program that might eventually get the Americans back into the race in an effort not to be beaten by them (and as we all know, the best rocket fuel there is is pure American ego...).

So we have to look for other sources for funding. Fortunately, there is one practically unlimited source of money: Human stupidity.

As probably most people with an email address that was used on an open forum (such as Usenet), I get plenty of emails from such scenic locations as Zimbabwe, South Africa, Congo, and Nigeria, all of which invariably involve some big bank account with several million US dollars in it. However, somehow the "rightful owners" have some trouble with getting to the money, and need my aid to get to it. Of course, they'd give me a sizable percentage of the proceedings...

I can't believe that anybody would actually fall for this scam, but apparently the people behind it have made several billion dollars in profit. Which seems like quite a waste to me. Instead of just pouring money into the hands of crooks, why not use the money of idiots for some worthy cause - such as space exploration? All you'd need are some clever schemes. Fortunately, there are plenty of idiots on the Internet (as Ghost Orb Photography proves), and it is easy to come up with ideas for such schemes.
Here are two I came up with:

There are plenty of people who use religious quotations to support their views. One frequent
claim in some newsgroups I'm frequenting is that the United States of America are the biblical Babylon of the Book of Revelation - the Great Whore who will eventually fall. However, I've examined the relevant bible passages, and come to a different conclusion:

Rev. 18.2: "And he cried mightily with a strong voice, saying, Babylon the great is fallen, is fallen, and is become the habitation of devils, and the hold of every foul spirit, and a cage of every unclean and hateful bird."

Now, how can a city "fall"? Some people might say that this should be interpreted as a metaphor. But I say we should interpret this literally.

One idea would be that the city of "Babylon" is on the edge of a high cliff or something. But there are higher places to fall from. So how about... Earth Orbit? Babylon as an actual space station would make a lot of sense. Let's examine two other passages:

Rev 18.10: "Standing afar off for the fear of her torment, saying, Alas, alas, that great city Babylon, that mighty city! for in one hour is thy judgment come."

Rev 18.21: "And a mighty angel took up a stone like a great millstone, and cast it into the sea, saying, Thus with violence shall that great city Babylon be thrown down, and shall be found no more at all."

Sounds a lot like a space station crashing into the ocean, doesn't it? And that earlier bit about "become the habitation of devils, and the hold of every foul spirit, and a cage of every unclean and hateful bird" seems to be suspiciously similar to a really messy nuclear reactor break-up once the station comes crashing down...

So how does this help? After all, the End Times isn't something that most people look forward to, with all the dying and wailing all over the place. However, it turns out that there are actually people who would welcome the End Times and for whom they can't come soon enough. Presumably, because they believe they are saintly enough to be carried away in the Rapture instead of suffering down on Earth with the rest of us. (Personally, I find this doubtful. If you really with for the death of billions of people, how saintly can you be? But I digress...)

And here is where our little fund-raising scheme comes in. If you meet any such people, tell them about this interpretation of the Book of Revelations, and then suggest that obviously the Fall of Babylon - and thus, the End Times - can't come if there are no space stations in Earth Orbit. If that isn't enough, tell them that it is well known that space stations named "Babylon" tend to have a very short life span.

Now if that doesn't convince these people to put some money into improving space infrastructure, I don't know what would.


Now for my other suggestion: Sometimes, on Usenet, you come across a particular type of idiot - one fully deserving of being called "arsehole", and quite a few other things as well. Recently, I came across a certain posting that included the following sentences:

'I really want to move to a nation where niggers are despised. I fucking hate america and the idea that nigger crimes and society is considered "equal"...'

"...So if anyone from ANY nation knows a nation where nigger culture for what it is, or has no MALICIOUS NIGGER INFLUENCE, it will be my dream nation to go there."


As much as I detest such people, I see an opportunity here. Obviously, the "dream nation" of such people can't exist anywhere on Earth. But what about... Outer Space?


So the obvious solution is, of course, to tell these people to invest a good chunk of their money into space exploration and life support systems research (that's certainly a better use of their money than using it to print Hate Pamphlets, isn't it?). Then, once the technology has been sufficiently advanced, they can create a colony on one of the asteroids in the Main Belt (the one between Mars and Jupiter). Now they can have their "Aryan homeland" or whatever, and Earth is well rid of a bunch of malcontents.
Everybody wins!

(Incidentally, a short time after I made these suggestions on Usenet, I received an email from an anonymous remailer that started with "Shut the Fuck up, you stupid Eurotrash!" Which means I will have to improve
my arguing skills somewhat. But I think the basic idea is sound...)"